Thursday, June 18, 2009

Growing Up

As a little girl I always thought a day would come and I would be a grown up. I thought something magical would happen, almost like a Disney princess being released from a spell, and I would be a grown up. I'm not sure where I got that idea, but it never came true. Here am I - married, expecting our first child and pretty darn happy with my life. I'm pretty sure that makes me a grown up. So when did it happen? When did I go from kid to grown up?

Was it when I decided to go to college 600 miles away from home knowing it would put me in debt for a long time?
Was it when I had to tell a friend that one of his family members passed away?
Was it when I spent a couple of weeks driving across Texas against my mom's wishes?
Was it when I got the call that my dad had been diagnosed with cancer?
Was it the summer I spent in Jacksonville learning to depend on God?
Was it when I graduated from college determined to make it on my own, even when I didn't have a job?
Was it when I was humbled enough to ask for help?
Was it when I lost my job because I stood up for what I thought was right?
Was it the night I learned my dad passed away?
Was it the day I had to put my dog to sleep because she was hurt too bad for me to care for her?
Was it when Brad proposed to me?
Was it the afternoon my brother walked me down the isle and I married Brad?
Was it when I realized it was time to make decisions that were right for us and not the popular decision?
Was it when Brad and I decided we were ready to become parents?
Was it that morning I found out I was pregnant?
Was it the moment I saw that this little baby's heart beating?
Was it during one of my many "sigh of relief" moments?
Will it be when this little girl is in our arms?

I have no idea when I became a grown up but I'm sure it didn't happen over night. All of those moments have forced me to step back and look at life. They've forced to me grow up a little bit more each time. I'm not exactly sure when I became I grown up- but I'm pretty sure I am.

So if I'm a grown up - why do I still feel like a little kid lost in a big world? Maybe I'm still waiting for my magical "grown up" day to come.

4 comments:

  1. April B (aprilinoctober)June 18, 2009 at 11:30 PM

    Carrie,
    I wonder this all the time. I often feel like a little kid playing dress up. I'm not sure yet that it's a bad thing though.
    Thanks for sharing your experiences.
    April

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  2. Carrie, this was beautifully written! You're in my prayers...

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  3. Awesome entry, Carrie. Hold on to your inner girl as long as you can. - Mark

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  4. You made me cry! Doesn't it feel like yesterday we were in 6th grade reading the Babysitters Club series? Now I cannot wait to see our sweet daughters playing together [and my Camden too]. I love you! I am praying that angels attend you while you go through these next couple of magical months.

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