Sunday, August 23, 2009

Week 1 At Home

Emily has now been home for a week and that week has been a blur. A good blur, but a blur.

Before Emily was born people loved to ask us, "are you ready?" My answer, "are you ever really ready?" We prepared as much as we could but I don't think anyone is ever really ready for everything that comes with having a baby. There are so many things that you can't prepare for and so many unknowns.

I knew there would be a lot of hormonal changes once I got home. But I was not prepared to cry for no reason. And when I say no reason - I mean no reason. The other night nothing was going on and I just started crying. Brad asked me what was wrong and all I could say was nothing. There was nothing wrong and there wasn't any reason I should be crying. After the tears went away all I could do was laugh at myself.

I knew that sleep would be hard to come by and we've actually been very lucky so far. One would think after 4 days in the hospital I would have come home rested - not so much! Forget about sleeping in the hospital, someone is coming into your room every 1-2 hours to check something. It only means you come home really, really worn out. I was so tired when we went to sleep last night that my legs feel asleep before I did. It was such a strange feeling.

I wasn't prepared for so many people to feel like they have free reign over my body. Seriously, by the time you leave the hospital there is no modesty left. It felt like anyone that walked into my room was there to poke, prod or squeeze on me for something. My boobs were touched by more people than I care to think about.

I also wasn't prepared for the number of people that love to talk about our feeding choices. I know that breast feeding is a very natural thing - but why does everyone and their mother care. And seriously, lactation consultants are annoying! And I'm not sure why it was necessary to compare a nursing mother to a dog that has just had puppies.

I wasn't prepared to feel so overwhelmed but determined to figure it out on our own and helpless at the same time. Due to the c-section I was confined to bed for the first 24 hours of Emily's life. That was hard. I wanted to be up and helping Brad change diapers and walking around holding her- but it just wasn't something I could do.

I wasn't prepared to look at my husband holding our baby girl and fall even more in love with him.

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