Monday, May 10, 2010

I Should Be in Bed...

Emily and Brad went to bed early tonight. I've had the house to myself since about 8 p.m. I told myself that I would get a few things done and then go to bed early, too. I got some stuff done - packed the bags for tomorrow, made my lunch, cleaned the living room and kitchen floors, and cleaned Emily's toys.

And now, I should be in bed, but I'm not. I'm up, typing away, watching a TV show I don't care about, and getting freaked out by the tree outside our backdoor. But most of all, I'm enjoying a few quiet, moments to myself.

My life has changed a lot in the last 3 years since Brad and I got married. But it's really changed in the last, almost 9 months. Relationships have changed and priorities have shifted. Just recently all of this "change" has had me in a funk.

Since getting married and having a baby every relationship I have has been affected - our marriage, friends, family, co-workers, etc.

Our marriage is always going to be changing. And it will always require work. Brad and I are learning how to communicate and love each other with a little girl around. We are learning to talk to each other in a new way, learning how to best help each other and how to take time for just us.

The relationship I once had with some friends is fading. It's hard to hang out with single people when a husband and baby are part of the package. And people I once had nothing in common with - I'm turning to for advice, on an almost daily basis. I'm learning to form new friendships.

Relationships with family members has changed - I'm becoming more of an equal and less of a "child" in their eyes. Such a strange dynamic.

The relationship I have with work and co-workers is different, too. I go to work to work, but it's also a good outlet and way for some adult interaction. Before Emily it seemed like my life revolved around work. Now, my life revolves around a sweet little girl and her daddy. And as much as I LOVE that - it takes some adjusting.

I miss being able to stay out until 1 a.m. just talking with friends. I miss having something to talk about other than diapers, pumping or baby food. I miss being invited places. I miss being able to pick up and go.

However, I wouldn't trade hugs from Emily, laughing at her laugh, or watching Brad play with our little girl for anything in the world.

Don't get my wrong - I LOVE my life. I love my husband and baby girl more than I ever thought possible. And I'm not complaining, I'm just learning to adjust to my new and different life.

How could I not love my life when I get to wake up to these two every day?

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And now, I'm going to bed.

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