Thursday, February 4, 2010

I'm Not Cut Out For This..

I've decided I'm not cut out to be a full-time, working mom. It's not for me.

I work 4, 10 hour days. Monday-Thursday, 7:15am - 5:15pm. And those are some really, really long days. Emily and I leave the house about 6:20am. And I get home around 6pm, but I don't sit down (unless I have to pump) until about 8ish. My night involves walking in the door, saying HI to Brad and Emily, pumping, washing bottles, dinner, getting Emily ready for bed, pumping again and then going to bed.

What's really killing me is that I'm not happy. I'm not happy at work. I'm not happy that I come home and just feel rushed to get everything done . I don't have time to play with Emily or have a conversation with Brad. And I know that I'm a grumpy, moody person when I get home from work (sorry, Brad). I'm having so much trouble trying to make all of this work and I just feel like nothing is working. I feel like I'm letting people down, I feel like I don't have time to enjoy my life and I feel like I'm always apologizing for something. Wonderful, huh?

I'm very grateful for my Fridays off. That's my day to spend with Emily and just enjoy time with her. But it's not enough. I'm just trying to catch up for all of the time lost those other days. Mon-Thur I only spend about 2 hours a day of awake time with Emily. And that's not a mom. At least not the kind of mom I want to be.

There's got to be a better way! Maybe I need to change my attitude (I'm sure I do) but I need to change the situation...and soon. I can't stand being away from my two favorite people so much every day.

1 comment:

  1. You are amazing! I appreciate you more than words can fully express. Thank you for being wonderful you!

    I know that Emily is blessed and enriched to have you. I know that Emily choose you for specific and amazing reasons to be her mother!

    Follow your heart. You will not regret it.



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