6 weeks left...

For the past year I've been measuring my life in weeks, and I don't see that changing any time soon. Unfortunatley, I'm now counting down the weeks to something I'm not looking forward to - returning to work. Only 6 weeks to go. November 9 sounds so far away - but it's only 6 weeks (insert big sad face).

I need to call the daycare and let them know what day Emily will be starting - but I keep putting it off. In my head if I don't call them, I don't ever have to take her. I'm not ready to let her go. I'm not ready to let some stranger spend the day hanging out with my little girl. I'm not ready to be away from her for almost 12 hours each day! I'm not ready to give up the smiles or even the cranky moments. I'm not ready to give someone else the possibility of seeing her sit up for the first time or any other "first." Nope, I'm not ready. And I'm not sure I will get ready in the 6 weeks I have left at home.

Why am I worrying and thinking some much about this now when I have 6 weeks left? Because I like to plan everything out ahead of time (way ahead of time if possibly) and I tend to freak myself out over things that I can't control. I like to think of it as one of my little quarks :)

For some reason a lot of people see me as easy going and pretty laid back. And I am in a lot of situations. But there are so many things that I freak out about on the inside. These usually are things that I have NO control over - I'm terrified everytime I put Emily to bed, I get nervous when Brad isn't home when he normally is, I'm constantly thinking about how to deal with other family issues ....see things that I have NO control over.

I'm ready for it to stop. I'm ready to stop freaking out about things that I can't control. I'm ready to really trust that God has a plan for me and our family, and that His plan really is what's best for us even if I don't like it.

All of this hit me today, driving home and I heard the song, "The Words I Would Say" by Sidewalk Prophets. It's an awesome song and the words really hit home. Below are the lyrics.

Three in the morning,

And I'm still awake,

So I picked up a pen and a page,

And I started writing,

Just what I'd say,

If we were face to face,

I'd tell you just what you mean to me,

I'd tell you these simple truths,

Be strong in the LORD and,

Never give up hope,

You're going to do great things,

I already know,

God's got His hand on you so,

Don't live life in fear,

Forgive and forget,

But don't forget why your here,

Take your time and pray,

These are the words I would say,

Last time we spoke,

You said you were hurting,

And I felt your pain in my heart,

I want to tell you,

That I keep on praying,

Love will find you where you are,

I know cause I've already been there,

So please hear these simple truths,

From one simple life to another,

I will say,

Come find peace in the Father,

Be strong in the LORD and,

Never give up hope,

You're going to do great things,

I already know,

God's got His hand on you so,

Don't live life in fear,

Forgive and forget,

But don't forget why your here,

Take your time and pray,

Thank God for each day,

His love will find a way,

These are the words I would say

My plan is to move forward each day but enjoy the moment. To trust that God does have His hand on me. To realize I still have 6 weeks left with little Emily and to enjoy each moment. To work on not freaking out about the things that I can't control.

And just because - here's a picture of us :)